Yes, I know technically it is just a day, but I like to stretch a good celebration out as long as possible.
Tonight, as I was making a "welcome home from Canada" pound cake for J2 , I spent a little time reflecting on mothers and Mother's Day.
What? Don't you find your self "reflecting" when you are baking a cake??
Anyways, it all began as I was thinking about Mother's Day and what it was like for me for the first 7 years J2 and I were married. The first three were super easy...happy celebrations of our own wonderful mothers.
Then Mother's Day began to take on new meaning...we wanted to start a family and it didn't take long for us to realize that it wasn't going to happen quickly and easily.
Before long, Mother's Day became a day when I spent my time fighting off thoughts of what I longed for that I didn't have. As mothers were recognized at church and throughout the day, I stilled thanked God for the blessing of having a great mom. But I would often find myself fighting tears and wondering if I would ever get to experience the joy of being a mom myself.
I know that in the big scheme of things there are much, much worse things than infertility issues. I know and knew then that I had many wonderful blessing and so much to be thankful for.
But knowing all that didn't change the fact that there were times when my heart just felt like it was going to break in to a million pieces. Oh the sadness of thinking that J2 and I may never get to be parents...that my deep desire to have a family might never be fulfilled.
Our journey to have a family was complicated and very involved...we experienced many difficult days. We struggled at times to keep our chins up and our faith strong, but the truth is that I know that God just plain old carried me through many of those trials. It definitely was not my own doing.
It was through those most difficult times...the ones where things looked the most hopeless, the days when it just was hard to keep it together...that He changed us.
He prepared us for bigger things to come. He showed His glory to us and helped us to see that it is through His power and His strength and His plans that we would make it to a new day, when our hope would be restored, when our faith would be strong and our joy overflowing.
For my peace and joy was NEVER intended to be found in my circumstances... but instead it was to be found in Christ alone.... The Glorious One.
Though I would never wish those struggles on anyone, truly those trials are precious to me...I am so thankful for those difficult days and how He changed me through them.
I hope that I am a better mother and wife because of them, but even more important than that, I honestly believe God used them to take me to a new place in my walk with Him that I never would have found otherwise.
On a side note... maybe as we begin this Mother's Day weekend, we should take a moment to remember and pray for and love on those who may find this coming Sunday to be a struggle...the childless woman, the woman who has lost a child whether through miscarriage or death, the single mom who finds herself going alone through this journey of motherhood, the child or adult who is missing their own mom for one reason or another.
And if you are there right now...take heart. God is near. He hasn't forgotten you... He is faithful...He will provide beyond your wildest expectations when you least expect it...He will use all those difficult times for good, in His time.
... and I have two unexpected blessings to prove it
1 comment:
Love.
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